3 Responses to “Query Critiques for Pitchwars”

  1. Richard Gamboa

    Thank you for the query critique on Street King. I really appreciate the sense of direction you’ve given me.

    I was wondering if you could provide just a bit more insight before I get to work, if it is not at all too much of a problem. At the beginning of the query, where my pitch was given, I originally didn’t have the word “thrilling”, instead I wanted to place the word count only the final revisions have yet to be made. I’m looking at 90,000 words. So I guess the question is, does the pitch still work and entice if it has the word count instead of “thrilling tale of mystery and blah blah” or would it be best to chuck it out completely as you suggested? I know one word can make a difference and I’m not sure if “thrilling” ruined the pitch or if the pitch shouldn’t be used. And if the pitch isn’t used, does the word count go in the beginning or the end? What would you suggest best?

    And, at the end of the query, right after “the end is just the beginning”, I was thinking of placing my experience around the car culture. In high school, my most vivid memories were spent at the racetracks with my uncle and his custom Chevy Vega, watching him drag race or put time on his car. If not at the tracks, then you could find me at car meets with friends. Mustangs were the best, though you could make the argument that the Camaros had a strong lineup if they were more of the older models. Would this work as a brief bio?

    I’m sorry for the long comment, and sorry to bother, I’m just really eager about this. I really thank you for your critique, I had been looking forward to it going live since day 1. You have been very helpful and I appreciate the time you are taking to mentor in this contest and it has been very nice to meet you. Thank you!

    • JC Nelson

      My pleasure to help. The problem I have with saying it’s Thrilling is that in essence you are telling the agent something you actually need to show in your pages. I would cut it. In your bio, I would mention your experience for sure. I would keep it simple. “I’m a family street racer who grew up loving volkswagens. Street Kings would be my first novel” or something like that.

      • Richard Gamboa

        Thank you! I really appreciate the time you are taking and the direction you’ve given me.

Leave a Reply